Open Mic @ The Alley. Jan 10, 2023.

Just arrived home from playing the open mic at the Alley in Littleton, CO. It was a bit of a long night - sign up was at 6:30pm and my luck of the draw tonight was a 9pm slot. My songs are a bit long, so only time for two - Close Your Eyes and Sounds Like Us.

There was no one there to take video for me, so I don’t have any footage, unfortunately. But, it went well. At least I felt like it went well, and whether it sounded good or not is another consideration. I think it did. After the long wait to go up there, I had a “fuck-it” energy, and the loud bar kinda confirmed that was OK. While I was playing, I wasn’t sure anyone was really listening, which only increased the energy for me. I connected to my songs and had fun. When I opened my eyes, most of the place erupted and people really loved it.

It was nice to experience that again after so long. After so much doubt. I know it’s just a small open mic with only 15 or so people there, but it was nice to be validated. The host said to me afterward, “Dude, why are you here? Why aren’t you playing much bigger places and why aren’t you all famous?” I had no answer, really. Responsibility? Luck? Long songs? I don’t know. I was open to it once, and I really did try. But it never happened for me.

Well, at least not yet. I’m not willing to give up just because I’m 40 with two little kids and a day job to pay the all bills. More music in the world is more music. And if people like what I do and can connect to how I feel while doing it, there’s room for me. I want to believe that. I have to believe that. I don’t need to be famous or playing huge venues. But I would like to be supported so I can have time and space to actualize in music, songwriting, recording, and producing, whatever that looks like. It’s hard to do that when your working hours are spent on other things for years and years. Don’t get me wrong - I don’t regret starting a family. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I feel like I won the lottery in life most days. I just would like for this to be a “yes, and…” situation, you know?

So I guess the real answer to the host’s question is that life is expensive, and I was afraid to prioritize music and my talent over the possibility of a safe, secure, comfortable life for my family. I don’t regret that, but I admit my fear got in my own way on more than one significant occasion.

But maybe soon I’ll find another path.