Had my first experience in the Austin open mic scene on Monday night. It was encouraging, but I had such mixed emotions and thoughts as I sat and watched for the 2 hours or so I was there. So much I had to write a little just to keep my hands from shaking so much, and record some of the major thought chains running through the noggin. I’ll include those after the post, they’ll make more sense then. Anyways, here’s what I wrote before I hopped up on stage for my 5 minutes. (Funny story, though – the host thought my first song, which was instrumental, was two songs, so he kicked me off after just one song. I was a bit disappointed, but I’ll go back next week with a different plan).

“Dime-a-dozen has never REALLY had a visual for until now. The scene @ the Cactus Cafe is full, but entirely lonely. At each table sits one person, one guy, really. There are a few girls, but mostly lonely, tentatively neurotic young guys, like me. It appears we have all come to play for each other. Really we have only all come to play for ourselves, I guess is what that means.

Each table-guy peers at the rest of the room sort of like a pigeon, wondering what food the other pigeon has on display, and if his food is better than their own. Some read, or, like i’m doing, write. Most have their guitars out and are resting their heads on the tops of their guitars s they can play without others previewing. We all sort of know we’re writing or thinking about each other.

We all seem to have a begrudging understanding of one another. It’s not welcome in here, but it’s far from hostile. I think we’re all just scared of sharing something so personal with a room of strangers who could be judging.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been a stranger, and that feeling almost kept me from coming tonight. This is the same feeling I had in Houston, getting ready to play at the Mucky Duck for the 1st time.

There were so many guitarists walking in here, all thinking similar thoughts, i bet. It’s a bit frightening when you think about it. I don’t dar bring out my computer and write in here. I’d be the first to, and that would break the odd rules of conformity we all seem to be instinctively following.

I’ll have my first performance in Austin in just a few minutes now. Wish me luck. This is why I sing with my eyes closed…”

I ended up playing 4th on a list of over 20 people, so I can’t complain. The set went ok, but I think the night was more about just getting out there and reminding myself that I CAN do this. Anyway, here are some of the major thought chains I had before and after the performance. Thought it would be interesting just to catch the flashes of thought as just that, flashes, one-liners…

“No one knows me here, so it’s alright”
“I can’t believe how many weird signs led me here tonight. It’s like someone was wanting me to be here…”
“Lights go down, people smile more.”
“Crazy different from the Mucky Duck in a very good way. This is open mic to a science.”
“2 for 1 set list, i guess…”
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.”

And that’s that, folks. Five minutes at a time.